I heard we made out
nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
