as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
