farters have to be the big spoon...
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
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