apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
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