i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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