He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
