I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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