Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
We had sex on a dog bed..
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
