I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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