Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
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