I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished�
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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