Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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