It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
My ass is underappreciated
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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