he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
