She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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