I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
