No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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