She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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