Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
