Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
