I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Randomize
