dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
It's rum buckets o'clock
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
