What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
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