My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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