Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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