apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
