Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
