He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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