Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
