um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
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