I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
