.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
