The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
