1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
