Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
