i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
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