Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
