Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I want you more than these girls want KFC
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
he fucked my hip out of place.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
