saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Randomize
