she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
