Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
