Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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