Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
