You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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