I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
