Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize
