bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
