he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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