is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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