john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
