When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
My pussy is not your playground.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
