You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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